Cosmic Route Transportation Coordination Agency (CRTCA) User Manual

Welcome to the Cosmic Route Transportation Coordination Agency (CRTCA)!

Our motto: “We get you there…eventually!”

This manual is designed for aspiring Cosmic Pilots who wish to become certified in navigating the complexities of interstellar travel with the CRTCA. Get ready to learn everything you need to know about the history, key features, and services of this essential yet hilariously inefficient agency.

Section 1: Introduction to CRTCA

The CRTCA is the cornerstone of interstellar travel, overseeing the movement of starships across the galaxy and beyond. Picture the bureaucratic inefficiencies of a 1980s DMV, but stretched across the cosmos. Every interaction with the CRTCA is an exercise in patience, humor, and a touch of despair.

Section 2: History and Formation of CRTCA

Origins in the Corporate Wars

The CRTCA’s origins date back to the tumultuous days of the Corporate Wars. Formed from the remnants of NASA, TSA, Freemasons, CIA, DARPA, and corporate elites, the CRTCA emerged through shadowy deals and black ops funding. The USA government’s scheme to sell off the universe started with harmless certificates but escalated into actual cosmic real estate transactions. The legal and bureaucratic chaos that ensued is legendary.

Integration of DARPA

The integration of DARPA into the formation of the CRTCA explains many of the technological advancements the agency has released. DARPA’s involvement brought cutting-edge technologies and innovations that have become essential in modern interstellar travel.

The Great Universe Sell-Off

The CRTCA’s acquisition of the moon Galcoon for 3.2 trillion dollars is a testament to their excessive spending and mismanagement. This barren moon, located in the Mackilla star system, serves as a major mining and drilling base. The purchase, shrouded in controversy and corruption, highlights the CRTCA’s complex and often questionable operations.

Section 3: Key Features and Services

Travel Stations

The CRTCA’s Travel Stations are colossal constructions, ranging from Extra Large to Massive, designed to accommodate starships of all shapes and sizes. These stations are marvels of technology, but accessing them is akin to waiting in line at the DMV. Each Travel Station boasts a state-of-the-art ship storage system, ensuring your vessel is safe and sound while you explore the cosmos.

The Experience

Travelers often find themselves in endless queues, waiting for their turn to dock. The bureaucratic process involves multiple checkpoints, each manned by an indifferent clerk more interested in their next coffee break than assisting you. The paperwork is staggering, with forms that seem designed to confuse and frustrate. Misfiled documents can set you back hours, and any mistake requires starting the process anew.

Galactic Gas Stations (GALCO Stations)

GALCO stations are found on land, sea, and in space, designed to service the fuel needs for private myco-versers and their vehicles. Helium-3 is a very popular choice due to its affordability and availability. Nuclear fusion and other advanced fuel propulsion or endless energy systems (especially for deep space ships) are extremely expensive, have long waitlists for addons and modifications, and can be rare in some regions to even acquire.

Fuel Options

• Helium-3: Affordable and widely available, making it the fuel of choice for most travelers.
• Nuclear Fusion: Expensive and rare, with long waitlists for addons and modifications.
• Advanced Propulsion Systems: These include endless energy systems essential for deep space exploration, but are extremely costly and difficult to obtain.

Intergalactic-GPS (I-GPS)

Navigating the cosmos requires more than just a sense of adventure; it requires a reliable navigation system. Enter the Intergalactic-GPS (I-GPS), a device with a sense of humor. Similar to Earth’s old GPS devices that occasionally sent people into lakes, the I-GPS is known for its eccentric routes and unexpected detours.

Functionality

The I-GPS is notorious for its quirks, often leading travelers through the most convoluted paths imaginable. It’s not uncommon for the device to suggest routes that pass through black holes or uncharted territories. Travelers must remain vigilant, ready to adapt to the I-GPS’s whims and the cosmic surprises it has in store. Despite its flaws, the I-GPS remains an essential tool for navigating the unpredictable terrain of space.

Section 4: Daily Operations and Misadventures

Bureaucratic Hell

The CRTCA’s daily operations are a blend of bureaucratic hell and cosmic adventure. Every process is over-complicated, requiring multiple forms, approvals, and endless waiting. Departments exist seemingly to shuffle travelers from one to another without ever resolving anything. Travelers often find themselves caught in a web of red tape, with even the simplest tasks turning into monumental challenges.

Murphy’s Law in Action

Murphy’s Law reigns supreme within the CRTCA. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Lost luggage, misdirected travel plans, and the occasional cosmic catastrophe are all part of the experience. The CRTCA workforce, a mix of overworked and underqualified staff, adds to the chaos. Each employee has their own eccentricities, contributing to the overall atmosphere of inefficiency and confusion.

Section 5: Major Settlements and Resource Bases

Pluto Base

The CRTCA operates two major intergalactic settlements: a base on Pluto and another on the moon Galcoon. These bases are critical to their mining and drilling operations, providing essential resources for cosmic travel. The base on Pluto is a hub of activity, with miners and engineers working around the clock to extract valuable materials.

Galcoon Moon

The base on Galcoon, is equally important, providing a steady supply of intergalactic fuel. Life at these bases is harsh and unforgiving. Workers face extreme conditions, long hours, and minimal support. The bureaucratic oversight is stifling, with every aspect of life regulated and controlled. Despite the challenges, the promise of high pay and adventure attracts a steady stream of workers. These settlements are microcosms of the CRTCA’s larger operations, reflecting the agency’s strengths and weaknesses.

Section 6: The Cosmic Culture of CRTCA

A Hub of Red Tape

The CRTCA is a hub of red tape and bureaucratic inefficiency. Every process is over-complicated, requiring stamps, signatures, and approvals from multiple departments. Travelers often find themselves frustrated and bewildered by the sheer complexity of the system. The CRTCA seems designed to test the patience of travelers, making every journey an exercise in endurance.

Indifference and Absurdity

The agency’s culture is a blend of indifference and absurdity. Employees are often more interested in their own affairs than assisting travelers. Miscommunications are common, and errors are rarely corrected. The CRTCA’s culture reflects the larger issues within the agency, highlighting the challenges of navigating such a complex and inefficient system.

Section 7: Enhancing the Absurdity

Real-Life Inspirations

The CRTCA’s operations are a satire of real-world bureaucracies and government inefficiencies. The agency’s flaws are exaggerated to cosmic proportions, creating a humorous and frustrating experience for travelers. The humor is subtle, woven into the absurdity of the situations rather than explicitly stated. The goal is to highlight the ridiculousness of the agency’s operations, creating a sense of amusement and exasperation.

Subtle Humor

Real-life inspirations are drawn from the inefficiencies and frustrations of bureaucratic systems on Earth. These elements are amplified in the CRTCA universe, creating a complex and humorous narrative. The CRTCA’s operations are a reflection of the larger challenges faced by travelers, emphasizing the need for patience, humor, and resilience.